Working with drama on the job is one of many worst parts of being an executive. It has got the potential to suck the life span out of you, and to kill your motivation, and for lots of my clients, it leaves them wondering: "Why did I choose this career?" The best exemplory instance of this really is one my clients - we will call him John.
John may be the CEO of a production company. He hates drama. You can literally see his skin crawl when he talks about it. His face scrunches up. His shoulders tighten and he winces when he talks about the newest drama of the day. "I just don't get it. What's everyone's problem? Why can't they just do their work? It's like working with children." Then his body crumbles, and he looks defeated. Exhausted. Helpless. Weighed down.
We could all relate solely to John. We've all experience political situations that people choose to forget. Those occasions when we are caught in a peak of workplace drama - anyone is upset, gossip in the corporation is rampant, and we feel such as a ping pong ball as we bounce around trying to make sense of the issue. So, what's an executive to complete? If you are caught in drama, how will you escape this dark hole?
To begin with, let's speak about what not to do. John illustrates this well. Everytime John experiences drama, he avoids it. He literally shuts down. His face goes blank. He starts to squirm, and he typically nods in a placating way. And in addition, the placating nod does the most harm. When he nods, people feel understood, but when John he takes no action, they get mad. Outcome? They attack John. Dramacool They whisper in the lunch room: "What's his problem? He doesn't do anything!" Some people get angry. The irony is that now individuals have a fresh issue to bond around - John's deadbeat behaviour. It is not surprising that John has 45% turnover in his company. Not good.
So, what was John doing wrong? Well, a few things. First of all, he distanced himself from the drama to the stage that he escalated the problem. By distancing himself, John became part of the drama problem because nothing got dealt with in a constructive way.
One of the basic principles of working with drama at the job is to recognize your emotional patterns when you encounter drama and to recognize how your typical reaction plays a role in the problem. Does it escalate it? Enable others? Or diffuse it? If John was able to self-manage his reactions better, he could have taken an alternative tactic when employees stumbled on him about issues. He could have expressed confidence inside their ability to take care of the situation constructively, facilitated the development of a behavioural code of conduct, or introduced a talented third party to help them. Instead, he was so busy managing their own anxiety, nothing got done.
Second, he created a "drama triangle" - a seductive high energy interaction including blaming, defensive behaviour, and rescuing. Drama triangles are recognizably consistent no real matter what the important points of the situation and they include the following roles:
The Persecutor: "This business is this type of hole." "I can't believe the quality of management." "It is all John's fault." "That VP, Sales is a real idiot." All the power switches into finding someone or something to blame for all the company's problems. Blaming somebody else makes people feel much better and, of course, this means other folks have to change, not you.
The Victim: "I tried my best." "I couldn't get through." "They did this to me." This is the victim in the drama. They make use of a helpless tone, and don't take personal responsibility. They might look for you to definitely rescue them, or to blame, in order to eliminate their negative feelings.
The Rescuer: Rescuers need a prey to feel good. They're "do-gooders" without boundaries. "Allow me to fix this. Allow me to take this on." "I can save the day." "Allow me to rescue this poor person who was simply hard done by." Rescuers may try to help people without having to be asked, or they have a twisted pleasure in getting their nose into other people's drama.
A lot of people learn the ability of being a persecutor, victim, or rescuer as children and they repeat this behaviour inside their career without having to be conscious of it. Being an executive, if you take part in this behaviour or respond to it, you will escalate the drama and there would have been a price to pay for - people won't want to meet your needs, you will feel drained at the job, and you will develop a negative culture.
To break the cycle, you will need setting the tone of personal accountability, respect, choice, and principled behaviour in your organization and work culture. Below are a few specific tactics:
- Watch out for drama triangles and start to pay attention to who is playing the role of persecutor, victim, and rescuer. Be mindful which role you have a tendency to play.
-Consider the payoff in your organization for taking on a specific role. Are people "bonding" with each other when they've somebody else to blame? Are they avoiding working with the complexity of issues by blaming anyone? Do the "victims" get pity? Do people feel sorry for them, or stay clear, thereby providing them with power? Are you currently creating dependence in your organization by rescuing people? Self-righteousness?
- Explore what's being avoided by participating in the drama. Exist some deeper issues in the corporation that must be addressed? In that case, what're they?
- Notice your reactions to drama. What are you doing? Not doing? What are you taking responsibility for? Maybe you have agreed to complete a lot more than you wish to?
- Whenever you get set off by a drama, concentrate on grounding yourself. Don't handle the drama until you can get involved without escalating your personal emotional reaction.
- Facilitate a healthier outcome by emphasizing principles - respect, honesty, and making agreements that work. Recognize that the more intense the drama, the harder it will be to get people to come up with a healthier outcome.
-If you're too near the issue available, get a facilitator or executive coach to facilitate healthy dialogue.
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